I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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