You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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