I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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