And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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