ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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