Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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