dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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