Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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