sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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