u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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