he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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