He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize