Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize