I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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