I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize