..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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