Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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