my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
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Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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