90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize