there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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