How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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