If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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