...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Houston, we have a blender
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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