I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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