I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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