Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize