More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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