Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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