Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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