Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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