Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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