im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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