I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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