Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i came on her dog
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pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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