Your dad touched me again.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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