She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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