My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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