Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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