you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize