omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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