I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
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Just called the consul general of France "dude"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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