awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize