I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize