it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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