I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize