o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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