so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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