yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize