dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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