I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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